“One Big Happy” Church Family?

I began church like many children during the Sunday school golden years of 70’s.  Like thousands of churches that dot rural America, church was a place where family came to worship God on Sunday mornings- family being the word operative word.  Small churches form families of closely related, often intermarried believers in Jesus Christ.  Services ended with family meals, also known as pot lucks.  Church family gathered socially once a week in their homes for Bible studies.  The family would meet to share their concerns for one another; giving way to the Sunday night prayer meeting.

In my critique of the church as family, I do not want people to misunderstand my intentions as those to knock the concept of family.  That is not my intention.  The edge of my remarks is set against the “one big happy” mentality that pervades many small churches in America, the two thirds of churches with 100 people or fewer within them.  This is my critique of today’s church family.

Most church families represent the interests of their own group.  They vision within tight parameters- the day when their favored sons and daughters will return from exile and fill the church with babies and children.   Ironically, they fail to embrace the single moms or broken families on their own street.

Most church families are governed by a matriarch or patriarch who sets the tone in the congregation, eschewing biblical models of leadership.  They help the children understand their place, their thoughts, attitudes, and feelings in family life. The parents see fit to order their house.  They decide who is accepted, who is wrong, who is the favorite, who advances in family business, who is the toe-headed step child. 

Most church families treat Christmas and Easter as family reunions instead of outreach to the yet to be saved.  They perceive the potential return of their prodigals- the spouses and children of the favored.  All the stops are pulled, the finest minutiae crafted for the comfort and enjoyment of the wayward.  Nothing offensive or challenging is presented. And for heaven’s sake, please ensure their children are included in the program or choir.

Most church families minimize conflict, though they are deeply conflicted.  They have no means of acknowledging, let alone resolving differences.  The favored members ride roughshod over newcomers.  Underlying conflicts fester into every aspect of family life.  When things come to a head, most families minimize conflict in order to maintain civility, denying the real fruit, change,that conflict promises to produce.

Most church families are open to new members, but membership has its price.  Expect to compromise your convictions- your priorities of family, work, and spouse time for the families program or ritual.  If the family is advanced in age, they canvass for “children” who have skills to repair their church house, or run their programs.  It is crucial for fresh idealists to maintain the family life.  Yet beware.  All your sacrifices will be acknowledged for the sake God’s kingdom, but please understand it represents only their interests on the earth.

What today’s church family needs is a huge dose of biblical reality.  The days when the church relied on the culture to support the “one big happy” attitude are as bankrupt as the US government.  Church family as God sees it has far a different shape and purpose.  My next post will delve into what God’s family is all about.